Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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