you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
