The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
