based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
