i don't like sucking hair
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
