Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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