I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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