Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
