drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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