Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
