This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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