Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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