im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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