About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
