I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
