i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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