the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
