I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
