I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this just has baby written all over it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
