Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
