im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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