Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
