just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
