Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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