My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
