I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
