It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
