why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this boner is exhausting
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize