Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Shame - the story of my life.
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