Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I will be naked everywhere
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize