i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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