Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
