$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
