It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize