Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
