thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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