know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
