Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
