I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
