p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize