I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
