At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
