My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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