i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
