Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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