I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
