not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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