just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
