Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize