I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
