so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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