I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dignity is for republicans.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
