His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
