Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize