I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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