if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
