I should be sponsored by Trojan
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
