Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
