Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
