If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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