people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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