Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
