You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
