You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
