my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
