That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
