just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
