Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
