I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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