I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
